What the fucking kind of this text?

What i did just make her hurt!
just cutted again the older scar. i want her proud of me at least not as others that better than me. i can't said what i want. yeah, that not me. if i want to say sorry i just make them from my gesture, i like everyone out there know, so they can know how to face me, But unfortunately they're not.

There are many time that i was spend to think about anything in my life, about what i want to my future, what i'll do after my study over, everything that not important to think. But, ya i realize Allah will give me a better plan. But something different always make me afraid to face the future. I afraid if someday i can't make proud my mom, i afraid if someday i'll make her hurt. But i always try to be kind to her, and always obey about her rules, i try to move my selfish,childish, and everything disease-hearts, that forbidden my mom and my religion to do.

But i'm a human as have habit human, so, when they come, i afraid to make mistake and hurt her again, when i can't control my emotion.
This is me with many mistake that i always try to change. please be patient.

X: i'm sorry for my bad-english i just explain my fell.